Paul knew from day one he'd marry Eileen, a chatty and determined young woman. She says Paul is definitely her Prince Charming.

They soon had three children, but lost control of their finances. Eileen had trouble finding a new job for months after quitting another.

They were too proud to ask Paul's family for help, or to declare bankruptcy. Yet calls from collection agencies became unbearable. So Eileen dragged Paul to debt counselling.

A Credit Canada counsellor negotiated a repayment plan and, with some lenders, interest relief. "We think that in two or more years we will be completely debt-free," Eileen said this week. "In the meantime, I cannot own a credit card."

Like many new couples – including the new batch that will become engaged this Valentine's Day – Paul and Eileen (not their real names) had different perspectives about spending and debt.

"Paul had a better-paying job," says Eileen. "He never had credit cards until we got together." Without parental support, she needed student loans to attend college. She applied for credit cards from a bank and a jewellery store – to buy two rings.

After they married, she and Paul applied for more cards. They were under the mistaken impression multiple cards would help "build up a credit record" to buy a house. They also had loans to buy vehicles, as most others do.

Debt, marriage and children are three of the nine most important financial decisions of a lifetime, Toronto business professor Moshe Milevsky writes in his new book Your Money Milestones from FT Press.

All are interconnected. Research from Italy suggests women are more prepared to take risks after marrying. U.S. research suggests many couples have opposing attitudes about spending, gratification and debt.

"Apparently, a disproportionate number of (what researchers call) tightwads tend to marry (what the researchers call) spendthrifts," writes Milevsky. "And, surprisingly, neither is very happy as a result.

"Differences in emotional attitudes toward spending and saving are actually associated with greater financial conflict and diminished well-being in marriage."

This is not a prediction about Paul and Eileen's future. They both seem like keepers. But sorting out financial compatibility is something Credit Canada advises you to do early on.

Unfortunately, few couples read the helpful brochures and compatibility tests until they become clients. By then, tension in the home may already be out of control.

"Don't count on your spouse to bail you out of your attitude toward spending – or understand that if you do, your marriage might suffer as a result," writes Milevsky.

He argues borrowing money can be worthwhile, especially for education. While children are a major commitment, they can be a form of old age insurance.

Debt management skills do improve with age, he reports, then seem to decline past about age 53. He argues in favour of consolidating debt in a single personal line of credit, to cut total interest costs. He provides calculators to test your financial planning decisions at www.qwema.ca.

Laurie Campbell, executive director of Credit Canada, says the pressure to spend on credit mounts around times like Christmas and Valentine's Day.

"There is a lot of pressure to buy the perfect diamond (when you become engaged) to show how much you care," she says.

But going into debt to show affection could backfire, warns Campbell, who sports designer boots she bought, slightly used, at Value Village.

She urges couples to read a brochure called Couples & Money available from Credit Canada, a not-for-profit charity founded in 1966.

It discusses common differences between men and women, provides a financial compatibility test and a financial communication scale. It has quick tips and rules of money management and budgeting, plus the signs of trouble ahead.

For the next several days there will be a link to the brochure on her blog at www.creditcanada.com.Credit Canada has 11 Toronto-area locations, but is based at 45 Sheppard Ave. E., Suite 810, Toronto, Ont., M2N 5W9. Call 416-228-3328 or 1-800-267-2272. Send email to info@creditcanada.com.

Eileen gets the last word: "I want people to know there is help out there."

*Reproduced with permission - Torstar Syndication Services.